Real America Fights Back
“Real men, Real Americans ignore the facts and pay homage to their gut instincts, which they know are right. I don’t believe in history, I don’t believe there is a real history that the liberal cowards and moocher takers would have you believe.
There is no history, only the glory of Real American faith.”
– Gov. Lawrence C. Bowie,
Real American Republic of Texas
Once upon a time in the not-too-distant future, Gov. Lawrence C. “Demon Seed” Bowie of the Real American Republic of Texas was the most controversial and colorful politician in the not so United States of America. Many smart minds believed a bright future was assured for Bowie as much as any bright political future can be assured. But during that pivotal year of 2018, Bowie was in a political fix of his own making and he knew that not getting out of the predicament could derail his presidential aspirations and undermine his stature as undisputed leader of the Real American Party. He was also in the crosshairs of political enemies determined to short-circuit his political rise by ballot or bullet. Yet, as this tale will tell in greater detail, Bowie would solve his problems and find salvation as the founding father of the Execution Channel.
Bowie would be the first to tell you the story of the Execution Channel couldn’t be understood properly without appreciating the vital role he played. In fact, it was a surprise to many that Bowie would become the author of the first, bloody draft of the Execution Channel’s history. Bowie later made a fortune promoting the gospel that there was only one true story behind the Execution Channel but as you will see dear reader, there was a more substantial and complex version which has remained hidden until now.
But it is important to give Bowie his due. His emergence stunned those who treated him as a junior business partner and a very junior business partner at that. But winning the expectations game was nothing new for Bowie. It was said by people who had habitually underestimated him that he was not the brightest or most articulate politician. Even Bowie supporters were left baffled by the source of his power. “The words and ideas flowing from Bowie’s mouth seem born from a distant and unexplored universe,” said RAP political commentator Michael Stanbye who had watched Bowie’s rise from obscurity. “He is the most dangerous man in the country, so it’s a good thing he’s on our side.”
Bowie was personally untroubled by criticisms of any type and seemingly went out of his way to invite scorn from his opponents. For example, during the infamous Texas gubernatorial primary of 2016, Bowie’s top rival chose to attack Bowie’s intellectual and verbal shortcomings as a surefire campaign strategy.
“It should scare us that this man was elected to Congress. Really, we should take time to investigate the sanity of those supporters in his district,” said Congressman Joe Someret, who served three terms in Congress with Bowie and knew him well. “Honestly, does anyone have any clue what Bowie is saying or what inane conspiracy he will pull out of his hat? We can’t be sure whether he even knows or cares what he’s talking about and he makes no pretense to care about anything resembling the truth. Is this the man you want as governor, one who lives in fantasy land of his own making?”
When the primary began, Someret was considered the favorite because his political bona fides were beyond question. He was a very conservative Mad Hatter Republican with a 100 percent Liberal Hater rating from the Liberty Standard Foundation. Along with Bowie, he was one of the founding members of the Real American Party.
Bowie and his campaign returned fire and weakened Someret with a constant barrage of negative ads and systematic rumor-virus releases to the media. Bowie accused Someret of having a collective mind-set for seeking federal relief money when Someret’s home city of Galveston was virtually destroyed in the Great Gulf Hurricane of 2015. Bowie accused him of dubious Galtian loyalty, of sheltering known moocher and taker activists in his family, and of being a less than enthusiastic liberal hater.
“He’s an imposter. The career congressman may have a 100 percent Liberal Hater rating, but it’s a front of deceit meant to subvert the Galtian Imperatives,” Bowie said. Political analysts said the most devastating blow came when Bowie’s campaign discovered that Someret once had paid one percent of the health insurance premiums for the employees at his balloon-making factory.
“My fellow Texans, there is nothing more subversive than a Real American Party member who talks one way and acts another by coddling the help. Can we trust a man who gives lip service to the Galtian Imperatives and then wastes his hard-earned money on an altruistic whim?” Bowie said during the most heated of their three debates. “Congressman Someret has spent too much time in the Washington cesspool acquiring the bad habits of so-called good intentions.”
Someret tried to fight back. “I have no doubt that Congressman Bowie excels at professing loyalty to the Real American Party but let us be clear about this crucial fact: his utmost loyalty is to his own megalomania,” Someret countered in the debate. While the audience cheered and jeered loudly and fights broke out between supporters at the college auditorium hosting the debate, Bowie counterattacked swiftly.
“Megalomania in the defense of Real America and the Galtian Imperatives is no vice, Congressman,” Bowie said loudly. “Perhaps you should try it sometime.”
During this most expensive campaign in state history, Bowie also attacked Someret relentlessly for being “soft on gun liberty and a friend of tyranny,” for considering (but not voting for) a measure to require government background checks to purchase backyard rocket launchers and antiaircraft missile systems. “Someret wanted the government to have your name, you a law-abiding citizen exercising your constitutional right to bear arms and defend your property from the moochers and looters and invaders from the United Nations,” Bowie said at a campaign stop in San Antonio. “But we know that once the government gets your name, they have you and can profile you. They can squeeze the liberty from your balls and once they squeeze the liberty from your balls, it leads to a plague of tyranny that Someret supports.”
The tactics worked and Someret was easily defeated on primary day. RAP political commentators were impressed by Bowie’s performance. “He has redefined what we consider the truth and positively shattered previous boundaries of political incoherence,” said Henry Jenkins, a longtime Bowie watcher and commentator on the Galt News Channel. Bowie took pride in his incoherence and haphazard relationship with the truth because he had calculated that being considered not overtly smart or clearly understood had the advantage of creating confusion. “I have an efficiently uncluttered and unconfused mind and what I don’t understand or when facts make me even slightly uncomfortable, I simply eliminate such clutter,” Bowie told a group of wealthy financial supporters who were curious about the source of his remarkable political genius.
The Imbecile Caucus
Bowie’s political pedigree was unmatched. During his three terms in Congress, Bowie emerged as the unofficial leader of the influential, 14-member House group called the ‘Imbecile Caucus.’ The Imbecile Caucus was a group of Mad Hatter Republicans who made daily headlines for feats of incoherence and unsubstantiated accusations. The IC, as it came to be known, was credited for setting a new standard of enlightened political discourse in Washington, D.C. by making “fact-free” statements its guiding principle. No one did it better than Bowie.
For example, Bowie drew cheers from IC members when he took to the floor of the House in 2014 and unleashed a multi-faceted broadside against what he called “the hordes of liberal traitors in the federal government” and the mainstream political party appeasers who tolerated them. “I have a list of 37 known liberals behind the secret collective mind-set agenda to force their tyranny on liberty-loving Real Americans,” he stated. Then he called for congressional investigations into a “secret United Nations black helicopter brigade that was colluding with an ultra-secret federal government agency to spray mind-controlling pixie dust at night and turn us into moocher zombies during the day. You can hear it here for the first time: their evil Agenda 69 is designed to restrict your rights to copulate.”
As a finishing touch, Bowie also accused President Burt Octavian of funding “hidden government concentration camps run by a liberal elite cadre of feminists and homosexuals and abortionists and looters and moochers who want to brainwash law-abiding Americans into paying more taxes. We cannot allow this evil to continue and must investigate further.”
Bowie didn’t know or even care much if these alleged secret initiatives actually existed – his aides fed him information gleaned from one Real American Party-aligned blog site maintained by psychiatric hospital patients. He didn’t mind when none of his 262 calls for congressional investigations into “widespread liberal malfeasance” led to an actual investigation. What mattered is that the lack of investigations proved the conspirators were good at keeping the truth from the people and that their conspiracies were thus true and growing by the day.
He took pride in his hit and run and hit again tactics and was adept, he said, at “keeping those liberal elitists afraid.” His Imbecile Caucus colleagues credited Bowie with being the best at playing the RAP echo chamber, rumor-mongering game and for being a strong leader in bringing frequent halts to the actual work of Congress.
His constituents, “ma base” he called them, thanked him for speaking out and stopping Congress from doing more evil. Bowie’s base was certain the conspiracies existed because Bowie’s statements of fact were confirmed by the RAP media and blogger network that amplified his accusations back to his base. Bowie’s supporters demanded more information, more talk of conspiracies and investigations, and demanded that more government officials be brought to justice.
“My job as a public servant isn’t to find the truth and worry about so-called facts. My calling is to boost hysteria and promote conspiracies at every opportunity,” Bowie told a columnist from the Sludge Daily War Report. “It doesn’t matter whether these conspiracies are so-called true or not. What matters is that I feed the fears and prejudices of my base. They have asked for this menu and they deserve nothing less.”
“The RAP and principled Republicans have worked hard to wreck this wicked economy. This recession is working and shows our austerity agenda to starve and kill government and create a real economy based on the Galtian Imperatives is on track. We don’t want some phony economy pumped up on artificial government spending,” he told an RAP rally in Washington, D.C., at the Lincoln Memorial. The rally was in support of ratification of a RAP-sponsored constitutional amendment that would make the Galtian Imperatives the only approved economic system in the country.
Like many devoted supporters, Bowie didn’t know what the Galtian Imperatives were or what they might do or even if they made economic sense. Those minor details didn’t matter. The Galtian Imperatives were biblical in their essence and transcendent in purpose, so practicality was less important than fidelity. Bowie had become a top cheerleader for what the samestream media called the “Galtian Awakening” and he was applauded for supporting a great spiritual force. Bowie was good at preaching, and his sermon at the RAP rally called for lost economic souls to embrace the Galtian Imperatives as “the one and only path to create prosperity for all” and remake the country.
The so-called truth
Bowie had no shortage of enemies and critics who dismissed him as a fool and court jester, but Bowie was immensely popular to a growing segment of the electorate who appreciated his talents for invention, rampant hyperbole and unapologetic corruption as part of a higher, moneymaking calling. He made a name for himself in Texas and in Real America by dismissing scientific knowledge as “politically biased and un-Real American,” calling for the elimination of the idea of government, and admonishing the “moochers among us” for setting a bad influence that threatened all good Texans and Real Americans. He said the moochers should follow his lead
“You see, my friends, Mama Bowie told me I wouldn’t learn the right way, the Real American way, in some Ivy League finishing school,” Bowie said in one of his stock campaign speeches. “My lessons come from the land, from the tough choices I had to make to realize my genius.”
Bowie told his biography often and with many variations of climbing from the depths of poverty, a native Texan from the hill country raised by a blind single mother. He became a teenage preacher and a snake-charming healer who had climbed the ladder of success without the help of sinful “government slavery” programs, he liked to say. Bowie believed that all Real Americans should follow his lead on the Real American stairway to success. “We must go backward and eliminate completely the virus of liberal do-goodism which weakens us morally and economically. We must destroy the liberal history and its New Deal pandering to the moochers and the so-called middle class. When we eliminate the past, we can march forward and bravely into a golden age foretold by the Galtian Imperatives,” Bowie said.
While inspiring, the essential elements of his personal tale were fabricated, as reporters discovered without too much investigative effort. Bowie wasn’t much of a teenage preacher though he did have a mail-order divinity degree and he handled a garter snake once. His doting mother, Sarah, wore thick glasses but wasn’t blind, and they were federal witness protection program transplants from Philadelphia who had been given new identifications. Anthony Regalo became Lawrence Charles Bowie and grew up in a modest, lower middle-class home in Austin. Mother and son were assisted by programs such as Social Security Disability Insurance, Head Start, food stamps, Medicaid and student loans for Bowie’s college education. Sarah herself finished her college studies and became an elementary school teacher.
When reporters talked to Sarah Bowie, they discovered she was a liberal-leaning voter and while she didn’t agree with her son politically, she was puzzled by his habit of merging incoherence with untruths. “Who are you talking about, Lawrence?” Sarah would say to him when he talked about their struggle upward as part of a typical campaign speech. “I was never blind. We got assistance, not a lot of it, but it did help keep us sheltered and fed and you were schooled and I went to school. So what you’re saying isn’t much true.”
“Mama, don’t you worry about the so-called truth. All that matters is that people believe,” Bowie said to his mother after one campaign speech in which he vilified the “hordes of takers” who were bankrupting Real America financially and spiritually. Like any good mother, she had a blind spot when it came to her son. She may have protested, but that was Mama Bowie simply being Mama Bowie, sometimes literal to a fault when it came to notions of telling the truth and attempting to accommodate reality.
As his legacy showed again and again, her son had no such qualms about the truth and didn’t care much for reality. He knew what was vital and what mattered most to him was that facts were irrelevant unless they could serve his evolving self-interest. In his best-selling 2016 campaign autobiography The Audacity of My Liberty, Bowie said his character was built on the pillars of self-reliance, making money, honestly reported corruption, unregulated liberty, incoherence, traditional family values (that made allowances for one current wife, two ex-wives, six children with two born out of wedlock, and two mistresses), and an unquestioned devotion to the Galtian Imperatives. He promised under no circumstances would he ever be “troubled or bothered by fact checkers who deviously rearrange the truth for their own gain and contribute nothing to society but anxiety and doubt” about the glorious Galtian epoch to come.
“Do facts matter? Of course they don’t, especially when they contain seeds of moocher political agendas. Facts are for girly-men and do-gooders who care about such trivial distinctions,” said Bowie, quoting from his book during a speech to the congregation of the Holy Grail Church of Redemption, Resurrection and Revival in Dallas. “Real men, Real Americans ignore the facts and pay homage to their gut instincts, which they know are right. I don’t believe in history, I don’t believe there is a real history that the liberal cowards and moocher takers would have you believe. There is no history, only the glory of Real American faith.”